Authentically cliched

I am a walking contradiction.

Maybe not even a contradiction; just an outright lie.

I say that I’m a writer, but my 10,000 hours and Malcolm Gladwell approval are still a lifetime away.

I say that I could be a journalist, yet here I am writing a column on a Sunday night when the deadline for The Varsity News was the previous Friday.

I neglect my responsibilities and procrastinate like Charlie Brown.

Movies and basketball games fill the time I should be studying, writing or doing anything productive.

You could say that I’m your typical college student.

And this column proves it.

The first issue of my senior year, and I’m writing the most stereotypical, cliché piece on impending graduation and the start of “one last ride” on the campus of University of Detroit Mercy.

Clichés become clichés because they’re usually true.

I’ll miss UDM and the college lifestyle, but I kind of feel like I’ll be living the college lifestyle for a while.

Even when (if) I get a steady job, I’ll still be staying up until 2:30 a.m. because the Rockets-Trail Blazers game went into double overtime on the West Coast, or I got sucked into the wormhole that is Reddit.

I’ll still be going to midnight movies with my brothers on a Thursday night, followed by the mandatory three to five cheeseburgers from the sacred Telway, even if I have to be up at 7 a.m.

When I (hopefully) graduate in eight months, I won’t be a different person; I’ll just have more to do.

It may not be sustainable, but I’ll try like hell to make it work. 

If I could do these irresponsible activities and still maintain the illusion of being a fully functional adult, this would somehow make me more authentic.

It’s an immature sentiment.

I don’t even totally believe it to be true, but yet on some level it’s the most completely genuine thought I have.


Oster is VN sports editor